I looked up the street I grew up on before we moved and my parent took me to that new doctor who put me on all those medicines that ucked up my brain forever and I just completely froze like, I’ve had a picture of my childhood home as my startup wallpaper for a year but, seeing the actual street, just, pictures of places and people and cars and things and knowing everyone and having all these memories, HAPPY MEMories, things like that that I actually experienced and don’t forget I just

fuck

fuck

fuck

why did we have to move

I hate my father I hate my mother I hate them both so much how could they send me to that doctor how could they just leave me in a stay-in hospital if we had just stayed in wahsington everything would be fine i

mean like

i didnt get along eith people at school I was a fucking delinquent that got into fights all the time because people made fun of me for the way I dress and the way I talked and the fact I was in special ed but

fighting, being hated, that’s better than having nobody acknolwedge you exist thats better tyhan having to drop out due to not having the ability to remember what you learned a week a go I

fuck

i want go home

fuck

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck why the fuck am I still alive why couldn’t I have just died why do peole still want me around im tired im scared im not even myself anymore im pretending to have the personality of my other friend who commited suicide years ago i

wat

to go home

just

fuck

im s tired??? why do I have to work??? why do I have to move away from my parents?? why don’t love m e anymore?? why did i have to found out they never did??? why?????? i dont want this i want to go home and climb a tree and spy on the weird next dooor neighbor until my dog barks at me iw ant the other next door neighbor to hear my dog barking and climb over the fence and be like “WHAT ARE YOU DOING DO YOU WANT TO PLAY” and jufs fck he never even liked me anyway he realized how uncol i was and just

fuck

wh

why

i just wanted to have fun with my friends why did everything have to screw up

iw ant to go home oh my god please just

can’t someone just turn back time and make it so i never moved

please

please

ill make do with whatever future i manage to scrape out of this rotten life but i just want to be back wth those peple even f we werent really friends iven if i didnt have friends i just

i was a part of their life? when worse came to worst we’d help each other out. we hung out together, argued, made up, played pokemon… but now, now we aren’t eeven

god

god god god god god i just want to be a human not some Thing that spent too long recuperating from amnesia and broken bones and came back with the brain of a ten year old and the body and expectations of an adult

please someb ody just

save me

please

i don’t want to be ehre aynmre

i want to g o home

but yknow i f i went home would i be happy? would i? i dont knw i dont know if i ever even new wat happiness was i was always aware i was hated i just pretend i ddnt know so tha The Play could go on and

god thats what ive been doing my entire life

im tired of this im tired of this im tired of this im tired of this im tired of this

im tired of having asthma im tired of having a back that didn’t heal properly after i broke it im tired o my legs giving out due to also not healing poperly im tired

im so fucking tired

but

i cant

do anything

theres nothing i can do

what can i do? die? ahahahha yeah, right, and go conquer the afterlife… who the fuck knows what that is. nonexistance? id ont want that. i want to exist. i want to laugh with people I care about who care about me i want to be alive

im not alive right now

i thin k i might have been at some point but then i stopped caring

i think

the instant I said

I DON’T CARE instead of LEAVE ME ALONE when I got upset is the instant The Play ended

im sorry

i

i

i really dont care anymore

i… don’t want to be left a lon e… but i cant care anymore if i am left alone or if im not because either way ill get hurt

gggggggoooooooooooooodddddddddddddddddd

what, on earth, did I do, do deserve this?